Marrying an Older Guy for Love

Dear Samara,

I am 28 and have been dating a guy who is 45. He is amazing. I never believed in love at first sight, but after our first week of dating we were absolutely crazy about each other. It hit us like a ton of bricks! There is nothing I don’t love about him. He’s attractive, smart, has a great job, loves family, wants kids. He is my dream guy. So the thing is, he is 17 years older than me. I never thought I would even date a guy that much older than me and the fact that he is bothers me. I mean, like when he’s 60, I am only going to be 43—that is night and day.

Should I be concerned? Is that too big a gap? What am I getting into by marrying an older guy? I cannot imagine life without him right now but we are practically not in the same generation. Should it make a difference or should I just stop thinking about it? How do I deal with it?

Thank you,

Hi Jill,

Good for you for stepping outside your comfort zone and giving this man a chance. Now, stop over thinking the age gap and enjoy yourself.

If you cannot imagine life without Mr. Wonderful, then don’t force yourself to. If you were 20, I might not be so enthusiastic. Twenty-eight, on the other hand, is a good age for making decisions about life and love—depending on the 28-year-old, of course. I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt. You know what you’re looking for in a partner and it sounds like this guy has some of, if not all of, what you want.

How do you deal with the age gap? As with all relationships (gap or not), take it one day at a time. Yes, your relationship will have its share of difficulties and some may be related to the age difference. Face those problems as they arise and don’t stress about them in advance.

If you find the age-gap anxiety to be overwhelming and you have trouble letting it go, tell your significant other about your concerns. He might have the same set of worries. Sometimes talking about your fears is enough to make them go away. Laughing about them helps, too. If nothing else, discussing this will make you aware of each other’s apprehensions so you can face them together.

It’s true that some people may have unwelcome opinions about the age difference between you and your man. To which I say: Who cares. If your family and friends see that you’re happy and in a healthy relationship, they will love him too.

Go for it,



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* The ideas and advice presented here are not a substitute for professional advice. Talk to your psychologist, counselor, physician or health care professional for situations that warrant further analysis.